6 Of Our Favourite Billy Connolly Jokes For National Tell A Joke Day
We wouldn’t dare name this list the best Billy Connolly jokes – as there are so many, and it wouldn’t be right to choose only a few! But on this National Joke Day, we want to share with you our 6 favourite funny moments from the legendary comedian, in hope they’ll brighten up your day.
Fair warning: some explicit language ahead!
1. The Last Supper, and Crucifixion
It’s been 45 years since we’ve been introduced to this hilarious routine on Billy’s 1974 breakthrough album. Even back then, you could tell the comedian’s aim was not to appeal to everyone, but to find his core audience – as the routine was banned by many radio stations at the time.
The joke revolves around the idea that Christ was not born in Galilee, but in Glasgow – and The Last Supper is a drunken night out in Connolly’s local pub, the Saracen Head.
2. The Boondock Saints story
In the 1999 now cult classic thriller starring Willem Defoe, Sean Patrick Flanery and The Walking Dead’s Norman Reedus, Billy played an assassin and the father of the two brother vigilantes.
In a sketch from his 2015 tour, Billy recalls a scene in which he bursts in, guns blazing, and the director asked him to empty out his magazines and throw the guns aside. The comedian was very excited about this until the armourer on set politely suggested that instead of throwing the guns, Billy could gently hand them to him so as to not damage the expensive weapons.
Billy had one answer to that: ‘Rearrange these words into a popular phrase or saying: Yourself. F***. Go.’
Among other things, Billy is known for his comedic re-enactments – and this sketch is a prime example of why. The whole routine starts off with the comedian pointing out the different ways in which his habits change with age – one being shouting at the TV, including at animals on nature shows.
He then proceeds to portray both the wildebeests, some being ditsier and others more aware of the danger nearby, and the lionesses planning their attack. It’s hilarious, and a great example of Billy’s comedic prowess.
A sketch from the 80s, even after all those years, it’s still as funny as ever. Billy’s a master of observational comedy – and here, he even managed to make the mundane task of buying shampoo hilarious.
He takes note of how many different ingredients have suddenly made their way into hair care products, and how strange it all seems to him: aloe vera, henna, and finally… jojoba.
‘Jojoba?!’ – he exclaims. ‘What the f*** is jojoba? Some Mexican bean? Since when did we start washing out hair with Mexican beans?’ – he says, before delivering the punchline: ‘Jojoba – in Glasgow, that was the month before November!’.
5. Glasgow Terror Attacks
Now, normally having terrorists attack your city is no laughing matter. Fortunately, nobody died in the Glasgow airport attack of 2007 except one of the perpetrators himself – and Billy was quick to make fun of the incident.
‘What were they f****** thinking about? Bringing terror to Glasgow…’, he chuckles. ‘Should’ve known better than that, we don’t mind a bit of terror in Glasgow!’.
6. Wankia Music
One of my personal favourites from Billy’s last ever stand up show – the comedian tells a story of how he was listening to the radio in the shower and heard a woman describing the ‘Wankia music of Peru’ – which name of course made him chuckle.
But it’s Billy’s subsequent attempts at imitating the supposedly different but really the same ‘pieces of music’ meant to accompany various life occasions that get the biggest laughs from the audience – with comments like ‘Can’t you just see the baby being baptised?’ or ‘I bet you thought you were at the wedding!’ thrown by the woman after each ‘track’.
But don’t take my word for it – hear it in all of its hilarious glory at your local cinema on 10 October.